How to Support a Birth Mother Through the Adoption Process

How to Support a Birth Mother Through the Adoption Process

Pregnant women who have chosen adoption have many hard decisions to make. With some, she may need some extra support — whether that be physically, emotionally or mentally. So, if you are a family member or friend who would like to know how to help, let her know that. This is a great first step and she will greatly appreciate your presence and desire to be there for her. 

At Adoption Choices of Las Vegas, all expectant mothers who walk through our doors will be surrounded by support, and will be available for her whenever she needs. Yet, we do also appreciate when she has a strong support system within trusted family members and friends who she can lean on. This truly makes a difference for her. There are so many ways to help and support a birth mother through the adoption process, but here our top six suggestions..

How to Best Support a Birth Mother Through the Adoption Process

  1. Ask Her Questions

Asking questions is one easy way to show her that you care. Not only does it show that you are engaged and present, but it also lets her know that you have her best interests at heart. The questions don’t have to be fancy or detailed. Simply asking how she is doing, or if she has any questions or concerns of her own can be beneficial. When she is creating her adoption plan and trying to determine what type of adoption would be best for her and her baby, ask her what she likes and doesn’t like about each one. Similarly when she is looking through adoptive parent profiles and selecting the adoptive parents she wants for her child. Ask her who stands out, and what kind of life she envisions. What opportunities she hopes her child will have.                                                                                                                                                                                 

Making sure that she feels comfortable and understood is important. She may be faced with choices she never thought she would have to make, so asking her questions can help her process and give her insight into what she wants.. Asking her questions will also help you understand how to further support her. 

  1. Go to Her Doctor’s Appointments with Her 

As her pregnancy progresses, the expectant mother will need to make sure that she is attending routine appointments with her doctor and healthcare team. These are very important to ensure that both she and baby remain safe, happy and healthy. If it is helpful to her, you can go to her doctor’s appointments with her. You can take notes so that she doesn’t forget any essential information about self-care or instructions the doctor may give her. This can reassure her if she’s feeling anxious, and help her feel more comfortable and less alone.

Appointments of any kind can be nerve-wracking. This can be especially true if your pregnant friend or family member is facing an unplanned pregnancy. But, by you being there, you are showing that she can count on you. That, if needed, she has a hand to hold and shoulder to cry on. Sharing these pivotal moments during her pregnancy and adoption journey can be very special to her. Your presence and support can make a huge difference, and is something that she will always remember.

  1. Listen to Her 

The adoption process may be a lot to handle at times. There will be good days and bad days. Moments where your pregnant friend or family member feels confident and excited, and others where she feels anxious or overwhelmed. This is all very natural and to be expected. You being there for her can make a world of difference. In both her happy and challenging moments, make sure that you always lend a listening ear.

Not every birth mother has the support she deserves. That’s why your role is so important and appreciated. At our adoption center in Las Vegas, she has her adoption caseworker or one of our adoption counselors to talk to, but we understand that many times it’s a family or friend who she wants there for her. That, above all else, she wants someone who knows her to help her feel more heard and understood. Even if you feel as though you can’t directly relate, you can still listen. You can still be present for her when she needs it. 

  1. Educate Yourself about Adoption 

When your friend or family member first told you about her unexpected pregnancy and that she was choosing adoption, what was your reaction? Were you familiar with the concept of adoption before this? Did you even know it existed? 

If you answered no, you’ll want to make sure that you educate yourself about adoption as much as you can. This will not only help you learn what adoption is and how it works, but it will also greatly help you know how to best support the soon-to-be birth mother. If both of you are new to the concept of adoption, consider learning together. This can create a special bonding experience, and help you gain insight into all the many facets of adoption. The more well-versed and educated you are about adoption, the more you’ll be able to be there for your loved one.

  1. Reassure Her in the Right Moments 

The adoption process can evoke many different emotions in birth mothers — both positive and negative. It can be difficult to see your pregnant friend or family member struggling emotionally, but you can help support her through these moments. Reassure her that everything will be okay, and that her baby is going to a loving and caring adoptive family. That she is doing what’s best for her and the baby. You can also remind that, depending on what type of adoption she chose, that she’ll be able to see or have contact with her birth child in the future.  

Adoption is different for every woman. If she ever feels guilty or second guesses herself, just remind her that adoption is motivated by love. She decided on adoption for a reason, and her baby will be surrounded with love and support as he or she grows up. 

  1. Help Ease Her Stress 

Just because the expectant mother is going through the adoption process doesn’t mean that life around her will stop moving. If she begins to worry that she is missing out on too much, or stressing about not being involved in her daily life as she used to be, help ease her mind. Stress can affect both her and the baby negatively. Remind her that she is doing the right thing, and her focus needs to be on the health of her and the baby. That she’ll be able to return to what she used to do after the adoption has been finalized.

It’s important for an expectant mother to remain as calm as possible. While she may not be able to be completely stress-free, you can be there to distract her, remind her to breathe and help keep her mind centered when she becomes overwhelmed. Especially if you have a relaxed nature, this can greatly help influence her as well. 

Supporting a Birth Mother through the Adoption Process

The adoption process can be a very complex and emotional one for many pregnant women. While some may be able to make it through on their own, others may want the extra support from friends or family. This is where you come in. As a loved one of the soon-to-be birth mother, you have the opportunity to be her support system throughout her adoption journey. 

There are many ways to help her throughout her pregnancy and adoption journey, but following the advice above will teach you how to provide the support that will best benefit her. Sometimes, just having you there can make a big difference. Know that, if you ever have questions or want to learn more about how to support a birth mother through the adoption process, Adoption Choices of Las Vegas is here to help. We want to ensure that you all have the most successful and positive adoption experience possible. 

Adoption Choices of Las Vegas has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across in Las Vegas since 2012. For information more general to Nevada, please visit our mother site Adoption Choices of Nevada. For information specific to Reno, please visit our sister site Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno. You can also call us to speak to someone now. Contact Us 24/7: CALL OR TEXT 702-474-4673

Meet the Author: Cynthia Knott is pursuing her English major and Educational Studies minor at Siena College. As President of Siena’s Best Buddies club and secretary during sophomore year, she was always writing and editing emails or flyers. She not only loves reading, but also enjoys researching any topic that intrigues her. Ever since she was 12 years old, Cynthia would watch every documentary on YouTube and then excitedly summarize each one for her family. 

Along with various volunteer work at soup kitchens and schools, Cynthia has worked as a telephone marketer and childcare employee. She is grateful to these experiences, as they have allowed her to meet all types of people and developed her communication skills through them. This, in turn, has enhanced her writing skills.