5 Questions to Expect from Adoptees

5 Questions to Expect from Adoptees

5 Questions to Expect from Adoptees

After deciding to place your baby for adoption, you may find yourself wondering about the unanswered questions your child may have throughout their life. It is likely that he or she will have questions that their adoptive families cannot always answer. 

However, if you choose to pursue an open adoption plan, your child will have the option to ask these burning questions to you directly. We know it can be nerve-wracking to explain certain answers to your child on the spot, which is why it’s always important to be prepared! 

Let’s go through five of the possible questions to expect from adoptees, so that you can be better equipped to provide them with thoughtful and heartfelt answers. 

  • Why did You put Me up for Adoption?

Let’s start with the basics. The question of “why” is something that may weigh heavy on your child’s heart until they receive a proper answer directly from you. More often than not, there is no malice or negative feelings attached to this question. It is safe to assume that your child’s adoptive family has assured them that your choice was one made out of profound love and with their best interest at heart. However, this will most likely still be an answer they will want straight from you. 

Unfortunately, a common misconception among adoptees is that they were “unwanted” by their birth mother. So, when posed with this question, it is best to speak candidly and from your heart. Explain to your child that you did, in fact, make the choice to place them for adoption out of love. Reassure him or her  that the driving force behind your decision was the desire for them to live the best life possible. Make sure they know that you loved them so immensely that you did everything to provide them with the life they deserve, and that is why you chose to place them for adoption.

  • Do You Regret Your Choice?

This is another one of the most common questions to expect from adoptees. While it is more than likely that your child is grateful that you made the choice you did, they may want to hear that you have no regrets or shameful feelings around their adoption. 

When faced with questions dealing with regret, let your child know that you could never be unhappy about any decision that  made their life better as a result. Once again, reassure your child that your choice to place them for adoption came from love. That, ultimately, your decision wasn’t an easy one, but necessary because of your circumstances back then. Express that the love you felt for them outweighed any remorse you could have had. This is a good way to dissuade any fears or false beliefs they may have about you or themselves.

  • Do I have any Biological Siblings?

Even though your child may have siblings who are a part of their adoptive family, it is natural for them to wonder about any biological brothers and sisters. Being introduced to other members of their biological family can help your child round out their identity and feel as if they are more connected to their roots. 

Let them know all that you can about any biological siblings that they may have. Then, if you’re both comfortable with it, offer to set up a meeting so that they can connect with their brothers or sisters face to face! It is common for adoptees to feel disconnected from their roots and their biological background. While meeting you face to face will help to bridge that gap, siblings help to add another layer to the tapestry of their family.

  • Who is My Birth Father?

This can be a tricky question depending on your own circumstances. Whether or not you are comfortable giving your child an answer to this question, the most important thing is – as always – to be as honest as possible. Adoptees feel the need to ask this question for the same reason they wonder about you and siblings: to learn where they came from and get in deeper touch with their roots. As long as you are open and honest with them, it will give them the closure that they are searching for.

  • Have You Tried to Get in Contact with Me Before?

Although your child may have already posed to their adoptive family, it is always good to prepare yourself for a question like this. The best way to answer this question is to be as straightforward with them as possible. Regardless of what your answer is, your child will appreciate transparency. Explain to them why your circumstances right now have allowed you to finally get in contact with them and that the timing of your meeting is perfect. 

Adoptees may feel as though they are the reason you did not reach out sooner, rather than it being because of your circumstances or your adoption agreement. For instance, if you agreed to a closed adoption, state laws may prevent you from contacting your child until he or she reaches legal adulthood.

Questions to Expect from Adoptees

For the most part, all your child wants is the reassurance that your decision to place them for adoption came from love.  If you ever find yourself faced with these questions, or others that are similar, our best advice is to speak from your heart. Tell your child the whole truth to the best of your ability. This, in the long run, will be healing and comforting for both of you!

Adoption Choices of Las Vegas has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across in Las Vegas since 2012. For information more general to Nevada, please visit our mother site Adoption Choices of Nevada. For information specific to Reno, please visit our sister site Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno. You can also call us to speak to someone now. Contact Us 24/7: CALL OR TEXT 702-474-4673

Meet the Author: Katie Dee is a resident of Long Island, New York and member of the 2020 graduating class of State University of New York (SUNY) at Oneonta. She completed her bachelor’s degree in English, dedicating a year to family studies.

Katie has hands-on classroom experience in the field of writing, editing and child and family studies. Her experience, in both the writing field and that of family studies, gives her a unique perspective in her pieces centered around the field of adoption.