4 Questions Birth Mothers Don’t Want to Hear
4 Questions Birth Mothers Don’t Want to Hear
As a birth mother considering adoption, you have probably thought about the way those around you may react to your placing your baby for adoption. First of all, it is important to remember that the opinions of others should never sway your decision. Your choice to put the needs of your baby before your own is brave and selfless, no matter what those around you may say.
That said, it is human nature to worry about the thoughts of those around us. Take comfort that you are not alone in these feelings. There are plenty of other birth mothers in the same position as you who are experiencing the same uncertainty. However, being prepared for the unsavory questions that you may be asked after deciding to place your baby for adoption could help to take away some of the negative feelings that come along with them. Having an idea of some of the questions birth mothers don’t want to hear could also assist you in opening up a dialogue about the adoption process, which could help you avoid these uncomfortable subjects.
- Are You Sure You Won’t Change Your Mind?
In the list of questions to avoid asking birth mothers, asking them if she might change her mind ranks very high. As a birth mother placing your baby for adoption, you can imagine the negative feelings that a question like this may stir up. One of the most important aspects to remember about adoption is that it is never an easy choice. Choosing adoption for your child is not “taking the easy way out”, and it is not a decision that birth mothers make lightly. It is more likely that she has spent an innumerable amount of time making this choice.
Given this, after coming to the conclusion that adoption is the best route to give her baby the happiest life possible, questions like this may result in feelings of insecurity. Avoiding questions like this lets birth mothers know that she is supported and that her decision is respected by those around her, rather than feeling as if her judgement is being questioned. While the intention behind questions like this may not be to hurt a birth mother, residual feelings of doubt may be an unavoidable consequence.
- Do You Know Who the Father Is?
Although questions about the paternal side of a baby’s genetics may be unavoidable, if this question is asked in the wrong way or at the wrong time, it may come off sounding rude or judgmental. In cases where a birth father is not involved in the adoption process, it is up to the birth mother’s discretion when and if she wishes to discuss his identity or involvement in the adoption or birth process.
At Adoption Choices of Las Vegas, it is always important to us that we allow you privacy and confidentially where you see fit. As a birth mother, it is completely up to you whether or not you want your baby’s genetic father identified during your adoption process. Questioning the identity of a birth father can lead to unintended consequences, like making the birth mother feel judged in her decision to place her baby. If you have chosen to avoid involving the biological father in your adoption journey, you never have to worry about hearing these types of questions from us.
- How Many Other Pregnancies Have You Had?
Bringing up past pregnancies, unplanned or otherwise, is another topic that may lead to feelings of judgement. This is definitely one of the questions birth mothers don’t want to hear. That is because her past decisions are never something she should have to discuss during a present day adoption.
As a birth mother embarking on an adoption journey, your past choices should not matter in your current experience. Regardless of your history with pregnancy, every new adoption process is a clean slate where you can make decisions that fit your existing circumstances rather than basing them off a prior version of you. Oftentimes, a birth mother does not want to discuss her history with pregnancy because it may cloud her perception of the current situation she is in.
- Are You Choosing Adoption because You were Raped?
As far as insensitive questions go, questioning a birth mother-or any woman- about a possible rape is never a good idea. It is best to avoid questions of this nature for a couple of very important reasons, the first being the possibility that the birth mother is a victim of rape or sexual assault. If a birth mother has chosen to place her baby for adoption due to circumstances such as rape, asking her questions surrounding her rape may trigger extremely negative feelings, which can harmfully impact her mental health.
Choosing to place your baby if you were a victim of rape shows a level of courage unlike any other; you deserve to be commended for making that choice. However, as a birth mother, if you do not wish to disclose this information, you should never feel pressured to do so. Questions like this may result in those feelings of pressure, even if they were not the anticipated goal.
Another reason to avoid asking a birth mother questions about rape is because she may not have been raped. Every birth mother has a different starting point to her adoption journey. Assuming a case scenario like this may lead to feelings of inadequacy or doubt if the situation that led to her choice is not something as serious as rape.
Questions Birth Mothers Don’t Want to Hear
As a birth mother choosing adoption, you should never feel as if your decision is being questioned or disrespected by those around you. Now that you know some of the questions to avoid asking birth mothers, you can be better prepared to respond to them if you ever find yourself in the situation to do so.
Adoption Choices of Las Vegas has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across in Las Vegas since 2012. For information more general to Nevada, please visit our mother site Adoption Choices of Nevada. For information specific to Reno, please visit our sister site Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno. You can also call us to speak to someone now. Contact Us 24/7: CALL OR TEXT 702-474-4673
Meet the Author: Katie Dee is a resident of Long Island, New York and member of the 2020 graduating class of State University of New York (SUNY) at Oneonta. She completed her bachelor’s degree in English, dedicating a year to family studies.
Katie has hands-on classroom experience in the field of writing, editing and child and family studies. Her experience, in both the writing field and that of family studies, gives her a unique perspective in her pieces centered around the field of adoption.